Being a Bachelor (20)
Moving Apartments in Lagos: A Tug of War
Moving apartments in Lagos has to be one of the most tedious tasks ever, it’s a cycle, an experience I’ll rather skip to port myself into a new apartment. When they say “nothing good comes easy”, I’m sure the originator of that line must have had a near Lagos house hunting experience.
Let’s have a not so short back story…
I relocated to Lagos in December 2019 and my financial projection was to move into my own space by March 2020. That was probably my pre-relocation biggest joke because I had plans of saving 50k every month so by march I can move into a self-con of 150k. I would later discover that I wasn’t only fooling myself but I was equally assuming Lagos house owners were philanthropists which they’re not even an inch close to.
Anyway, you wouldn’t blame me, that 150k would get me a very decent apartment in Ilorin where I did my undergraduate or at Lokoja where I served, my projections were entirely within what I had seen. So this young man jumped down to Lagos, hoping for a house at that range in 4 months.
As Corona will have it, March became its visitation month so I had to pause plus, I remember one time I called this agent and he told me agency and agreement fee alone 240k, that’s aside from the house rent itself, I laughed at his stupid joke, this one must think I’m not street smart and that was how I took a long break from house-hunting to facing Covid.
I resumed my search later in the year and that was when I knew the kind of battle I was in, Omo, this thing is no joke, strangling rent fees, draconian house agents, ridiculous house owners, stupid house infrastructures and very unrealistic living expectations. Everyone and everything is so hungry to feed off you.
In the months after that, I’ve had to search, stop, start again and then an endless cycle of house hunting began until this last time. This time, I was tired of where I stayed, the distance, the road and too many things. It was during this period, I knew I wasn’t built for stress and no more can I work under pressure. So, for the last time, what will be the final search began in full force.
Well, if you ever have to house hunt, let this be in your books.
NEVER USE ROADSIDE AGENTS
Firstly, it’s very absurd to know that you need an estate agent to get an apartment in Lagos, if you’re probably thinking of walking street to street looking for vacant apartments please consider using that energy for door to door Evangelism, at least heaven will reward you for that. Bruv, you will find nothing and if you do, the landlord will refer you back to his agent. It’s like those guys swore an oath.
Secondly, don’t be desperate, at least try not to sound desperate. Scouting for house agents is a task on its own, a very draining one, desperation will land you in more frustration from them and it never ends well. For me, I wanted to move to a more upwardly mobile part of Lagos, so it’s usual for houses to be scarce (so they said), I had too many agents I was speaking with I didn’t even know who was who at a time.
Ask your friends who helped them get their place, most of the agents don’t have good houses, so what they do to justify the agent fee is to take you to rubbish houses with very unimaginable conditions and they persuade you with every drop of their blood to take it. Don’t listen to them, be stubborn! I legit started frowning my face whenever I’m out on a search. This man took me to a house with an open drainage system before it, all the water in the house passes through this drainage with splinters of green algae everywhere. What rubbish!
Another one took me to a location where they don’t have water at all. So, after paying such a ridiculous price for house rent, I have to pay 15k monthly for water, this agent knew this house condition but, he was doing his job by taking me there and guess what, he was convincing me to come and pay. God safe us from know us and is doing us.
Anyway, the legit agents are way more expensive.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CAR, YOU’RE IN HOT SOUP.
I paid Keke and Bike money like my life depended on it, aside from the inspection fee, you’ll pay the t-fare to everywhere they take you to and because I was speaking with more than one agent then, I was helping the transportation economy way more than Oluomo is doing. Sigh!
If you don’t have a car, na big wahala. Be prepared.
STICK WITH YOUR SPEC
Like you know, these agents can be evil, resounding the voice of destruction and future discomfort to you. Be definite with your location, your budget, your spec and all you want the house to have. Take less of their advice, remember you will live there, not them.
If he takes you repeatedly to places that don’t fit, shout at him, don’t tip him for that day, wear a stern face, make sure not to message or call back. He will get the memo.
DON’T BE SO SURE OF ONLINE PLATFORMS
I won’t mention names but you see those online property platforms? Don’t trust them, not one bit, okay maybe a little. Most of the houses uploaded are either all taken or the compounds are not good. It’s the same agents you physically interacted with that feed those websites with images so people can see and call them, and when you do, they tell you someone just paid for the same property that morning, but they have a better place for you… Lies upon lies.
BE REALISTIC WITH YOUR BUDGET
I upgraded my budget repeatedly until I didn’t have a budget anymore and was open to taking any place at any amount. Oh well, this time, I was also wise enough to erase the thought of 150k in my head. Don’t forget location matters. Be well informed of the location, have your budget, stick to it and only make adjustments when it is extremely necessary.
Moving apartments in Lagos is a serious tug of war; agents and house rent are gallantly at the other side ready to drag it out with you but as always the son of man won this battle. Glory!
At a later time, I will talk about setting up the apartment, scouting for vendors and all that. Wait, let me finish with mine.
